September 24, 2010 

John Boehner has been in the public eye for years and much more so recently because of his orange "tan". He claims that he and his siblings have a sun-kissed glow and he has never used a tanning bed or tanning product. Some speculate it's because of his golf playing and generally spending too much time on his tan. You know, being a narcissist and out in the sun all the time will make you obsessed about your skin.

The truth is though, John Boehner is an Oompa-Loompa. That's right. I have believed this for years and because it has been many years, it must be true. It must also be true that there are two kinds of Oompa-Loompa the short and the tall. Boehner is clearly the tall kind.

There is no problem with being an Oompa-Loompa, I am sure they are very nice people. Except for Boehner in politics.

Now, if he would just stop dying his eyebrows brown from their naturally occurring white color he would be honest at least in one area of his life. And he should also bring back that curly que helmet hair that normal Oompa-Loompas have. It would really stand out make him the center of attention like his orange skin.

He needs to leave the Oompa-Loompa closet and get real. There is no shame in being an Oompa-Loompa. But I suppose he won't listen and will keep lying about his heritage.

Because he is in Congress DADT doesn't apply and I am now asking and telling.

Really, Mr. Boehner, what's so wrong about being an Oompa-Loompa anyway?